I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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