dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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