Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
