I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
