plz talk dirty to me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
