You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
