smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize