I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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