well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
