You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
