I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
