Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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