I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize