So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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