I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
