it was like his penis was on wheels.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
