So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize