I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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