i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
