i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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