I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
