So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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