thus making me awesome and them whores
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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