a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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