He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
