So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
