3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just threw up on my dentist
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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