It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
