DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
