i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
