I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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