okay pat passed out under dana's car
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
