What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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