I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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