So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
