I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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