who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
