Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
