we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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