Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
