Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
