there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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