just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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