my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
