I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
