I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You made out with two different species that night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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