I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
