dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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