just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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