He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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