And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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