I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
