You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
