It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize