When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
