I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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