"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
