We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
