Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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