I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
