Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
