Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize